"Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable."

• Occam's Razor
Dr. House:"How are we doing on cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home."
Dr. Cuddy:"No you couldn't."
Dr. House:"Nice."

"Her leg hurts after running six miles. Who knows? Could be anything."

• Maternity
"Don't worry. Many women learn to live with this parasite. My own mother, for example. Forty-five years and she only complains about it now from time to time."
- Maternity

• Poison
Patient's mother:"Who are you?"
Dr. House:"I'm the doctor who's trying to save your son. You're the mom who's letting him die. Clarification. It's a beautiful thing."

• Dr. House - "I assume ‘minimal at best' is your stiff upper lip British way of saying ‘no chance in hell.'"
Chase:"Actually, I'm Australian."
Dr. House:"You put the Queen on your money, you're British."

• DNR
House:"That paralysis thing. Guy can't walk for two years, nobody knows why. It seems mildly interesting."
Cuddy:"Forget his paralysis."
House:"Tell that to the rest of his bowling team."

"Like I always say, there's no ‘I' in team. There's a ‘me,' though, if you jumble it up."

• Histories
Foreman:"A tuberculoma doesn't give you a temperature of 105."
Chase:"Then it's a tuberculoma and something else."
Wilson :"The ‘something else' is going to melt her brain."
House:"Poach. Better metaphor."

• Detox
"Let me talk to shipping. I speak their language. Foul."

Cuddy:"You know, there are other ways to manage pain."
House:"Like what? Laughter? Meditation? You got a guy that can fix my third chakra?"

"You always trust me. It's a big mistake."

• Sports Medicine
Lola:"Even if real human contact is something you don't have, or even want, or need, you should at least be able to see it in other people.
House:"Right. True love. That's just how we match organs these days. There's a couple in France, high school sweethearts, they're trading brains."

• Cursed
"A secret club. What's the secret, they're all morons?"

Chase:"How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?"
House:"I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life."

• Control
"She's the CEO of Sonyo Cosmetics. Had three assistants and fifteen VPs check out who should be treating her. Who the man? I the man. I always suspected."

Cuddy:"I need you to wear your lab coat."
House:"I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age."

Wilson :"Then how do you know she needs a heart transplant?"
House:"Got my aura read today. Said someone close to me had a broken heart."

• Mob Rules
Chase:"You can trust me."
House:"The problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks, you've been a big help."

"Your brother has Ornithine Transcarbamylase Deficiency. You want me to write it down? Good, because it takes awhile.

• Heavy
Wilson :"The ultrasound and biopsy confirmed our worry. The tumor's extremely large. At least thirty pounds."
House:"It's actually a personal record for this clinic."
Mrs. Hernandez:"I'll have a huge scar. I won't be able to wear a bikini."
House:"You wear a bikini now?"
Mrs. Hernandez:"Yeah, you have a problem with that?"
House:"No, but I've never gone swimming with you."

• Role Model
Chase:"House never gives speeches."
House:"But when I really believe in something, gosh dang it, I gotta chance to make a difference here."

"Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree."

"You are the most naïve atheist I've ever met."

• Babies & Bathwater
House:"Sorry. Up late. Internet porn."
Chase:"Why aren't you in your office?"
House:"There's a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off."

"Did you make a pass at Cuddy? I told you, she's only got thighs for me."

• Kids
Cuddy:"Dr. House! Need you here."
House:"No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something."

Cuddy:"You. In the lobby. Now."
House:"I hurt my leg. I have a note."

Cuddy:"I'm working. I got hot. Stop acting like a thirteen year old."
House:"Sorry. It's just you don't usually see breasts like that on Deans of Medicine.

• Love Hurts
Foreman:"Hey, I've been on the scene more than you recently."
House:"Way ahead of you. I got a case of malt liquor stashed in the trunk, Mr. Marvin Gaye on the CD. We are going to get all the way down."

• Three Stories
"On average, drug addicts are stupid."

"The great thing about telling somebody they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for."

• Honeymoon
Stacy:"He's scared of you."
House: "Sure. The ex boy toy. It makes sense."

"We should do things. Throw a ball around or something. Guy stuff."

Cameron: "Previous tests revealed nothing that could've caused the abdominal pain or the mood swings."
House: "Then we're done. Ball game? Zoo? I don't care, I just want to hang with you guys."

(Credit by FOX)