• Meaning
Cuddy: "Why did you."
House: "Why does a dog lick its workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles?"

"Oh, I stuck that primo! How rad am I?"

Cameron: "You're lucky he didn't die."
House: "I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die."

• Cane and Able
Is this an intervention? You're a little late, since I'm not using drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics."

"The kid is having nightmares. Only happen at night. It's right there in the name."

"She was being metaphorical. She was trying to sound like me. I have no idea what you meant, but I could smell what the Rock was cooking."

• Informed Consent
"I try to kill him, you're mad. I don't kill him, you're mad."

"I'm a cripple, remember? Accommodations must be made."

Lines In The Sand
Foreman: "I had a date last night. She screamed too. You think we should spend a hundred thousand dollars testing her?"
House: "Of course not. This isn't a veterinary hospital. Zing!"

"Go up his rear and get a smear. Which reminds me, kinda feel like a bagel."

House: "After that look, I'm feeling a little frisky and looks like you're up."
Cuddy: "I'm ovulating. Let's go."
House: "The frisky, it went away."

• Fools For Love
"You get married at twenty, you're going to be shocked who you're living with at thirty."

"Sorry. I already met this month's quota of useless tests for stubborn idiots."

• Que Sera Sera
"Kids these days. Got no respect for other people's property."

"It's probably her mom. I bet she's huge. She is from the Midwest. Since when do you eat beets?"

• Son of Coma Guy
"There are reports out of South Africa about a pill that'd temporarily revive someone in a vegetative state. We've all seen Awakenings. It made me cry. I wanna cry."

"Everything's conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions."

"Quick, what's the status? I gotta get back to our sleeper before he goes looking for the orgasmatron."

"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."

• Whac-A-Mole
"Party of Five! Powerful stuff. The OC of its day."

"Okay, fine. I'll father your child. But first you gotta write me a Vicodin prescription. Just so I can get through the foreplay."

• Finding Judas
"This thing won me second place in the clinic's weekly 'Weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice' contest."

"If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills."

• Merry Little Christmas
Tritter: "Merry Christmas."
House: "Happy go to hell."

"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."

"Can we forget my vices and get back to my virtues."

• Words and Deeds
"When I lead the big patient rebellion, Voldemort here is the first to go."

"Thanks. I was running short on platitudes. You can leave now."

"I told you never to call me when I'm on trial."

• One Day, One Room
Cuddy: "Is that Vicodin?"
House: "Breath mint. Thought you were going to kiss me."

"You've never seen an after school special? Dawson's Creek? How do you get to thirty and not know about condoms?"

"If we were to care about every person suffering on this planet, life would shut down."

Needle In A Haystack
"The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief."

"Hey, you can't yell at a guy in a wheelchair."

"You guys are still thinking like doctors when you should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see some butt crack."

• Insensitive
"Could have left the scarf at home and just told him you'd be wearing a look of desperation."

"I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous."

• Half Wit
"Just because it's inexplicted doesn't mean it's inexplicable."

"If you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish."

• Top Secret
"I can play the harmonica with my nose, make a penny come out of a child's ear, or any other orifice for that matter, and given the right circumstances bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy."

"And find out the truth about who he's been dating. No way a Marine goes a year without getting some blood on his bayonet."

"Better be careful. I have a full bladder and I'm not afraid to use it."

• Fetal Position
"Personally, I don't get what's so hard about making Scarlett Johansson look pretty."

"Mom's body is like an intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time."

"No, Cameron had concerns. Chase just agreed with her because he didn't want to lose his all access pass to her love rug."

• Airborne
"It may have been short, but it had girth."

"Good news is all the pilots are red meat men. Although I was kinda looking forward to landing this puppy myself."

"Happens often in high anxiety situation, especially to women. Now it sounds sexist, but science says you're weak and soft. What can I do?"

• Act Your Age
"I asked you what two plus two equals and a day later you tell me, 'Not twenty-five.'"

"Some idiot gave me two tickets for a play tonight. Saved his life. Apparently worth $186."

• House Training
"Loss of free will. I like it. Maybe we can get Thomas Aquinas in for a consult."

"First, 'Hector does go rug' is a lame anagram. Want a better one for Gregory House? 'Huge ego, sorry.'"

"If you need absolution, go to a priest. Or give alms to the poor."

• Family
"The only value of that trust is that you can manipulate them."

• Resignation
"He can't ignore the blood because it's a minority, can he, Foreman?"

Wilson: "Oh God, she's 26."
House: "But with the wisdom of a much younger woman."

• The Jerk
"You are one evil, cunning woman. It's a massive turn on."

"Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours."

• Human Error
"I'm world famous now. Press won't leave me alone."

"Did you give an angry Cuban my home number?"

(Credit by FOX)